Welcome to my new blog. Here I will share my life with diabetes with the world and anyone who will listen. I’d like to start with my general thoughts about diabetes and living with a dependence on insulin.
To me, the worst part about diabetes is not the finger pricks, the shots, the pump, or the needles. It in fact makes me cringe when I hear people talking about their diabetes and all they do is try to convince people that needles are the worst part. It is far from the worst part. In fact, I think it’s the easiest part. I can live with needles and pumps.
To me, the worst part is the fear that comes with diabetes. I live in constant fear of low blood sugars. Maybe it comes from the years of constant lows and insensitivity caused by 10+ years of taking NPH. Maybe its from a classmate in college dying from a low blood sugar because no one was around to see him seizing. Either way, it is what I am afraid of every second of the day. I’m also afraid, however, of high blood sugars. I am scared of puking. I am scared of losing my kidneys. I am scared of heart disease. I am scared of going blind. I am scared of losing my feet.
Frustration is also one of the worst parts of diabetes. It is frustrating when no matter what I do, my blood sugars don’t make sense. It is frustrating when family members gasp at my numbers and tell me I don’t know what could happen (despite having lost several friends to diabetes complications). It is frustrating when people ask if I have diabetes “real bad” because I’m on insulin. It’s frustrating when a nurse says to me “But you’re so young to be on insulin!” It’s frustrating knowing that despite all of the effort I have put into controlling my diabetes for the past 20 years, 4 months, and 13 days, I will still likely die because of this disease.
On this World Diabetes Day, I ask all of you to think about what diabetes truly does to people both physically and mentally. It is important to express your fears and frustrations in any way you can. Let it out. Let the world know. Let them know that this disease isn’t something we can live with and be normal. Maybe when more people know how devastating it truly is, they will start taking us seriously.